My Story

I began my own relationship with alcohol at 13, followed by the often reckless behaviors that accompany it. My early life was riddled with adverse childhood events. My parents were divorced by the time I was three, we were living in poverty, and I was exposed to drugs, alcohol and abuse. Shame and perfectionism had made a very comfortable home within me by the time I graduated from high school. I then entered into decades of overachieving tendencies; a mask of always striving to do more and be more, all the while ignoring my inner authority.

By the time I reached my 40s, after years of fertility struggles, the birth of our daughter and the adoption of our son, my life began to unravel. I was caught between the empowerment of my 40s and my knowing that if I didn’t make changes, the consequences would be costly. My marriage was spiraling and I couldn’t pretend everything was just fine any longer. I was the go-to girl for all things health and wellness, yet I was still on the semi-daily detox and retox cycle of clean living by day and wine or tequila by night. I felt like a fraud and wasn’t sure at the time what the answers were, but I knew, ‘NOT THIS’. Because I still needed more proof, the universe served me up a traffic stop and arrest after a girl’s night out. After a move to France and several more months of resistance, I woke up in London one morning after feeling sick from two glasses of wine and knew I was done with alcohol. I was so tired of the mental and physical wrestle.

Here’s what I’ve learned: healing is not linear. The process is fluid and ever-changing. Once you think you’ve peeled back all of the layers, there are always more to unmask. The traumatic events may not be our fault, but it is our responsibility to heal them. There doesn’t have to be a big rock bottom and you don’t necessarily have to have a problem with alcohol for it to be a problem. I knew I needed to let go of the idea that alcohol was still benefitting me in any positive way. What you can’t possibly know is how it feels on the other side. That’s why it’s a leap of faith. RADICAL self care is the willingness to go into the unknown and trust the process. I am worth it and so are you.